8 Ways To Radical Self-Love

Have you noticed how confident women are oftentimes labeled as difficult or self-absorbed?

So many people would go as far as to affirm that what’s really under that facade of confidence is probably insecurity. Women are judged harshly, by both men and other women, when they appear too self-assured. And, it’s because according to societal standards, women should be less bold.

You may have heard a question like, “Who does she think she is?” being asked about a strong, confident woman.

It is no wonder why so many women, unknowingly, internalize sexist beliefs and prefer to fit the status quo. The backlash and criticism they receive is real. The problem is that being less bold/assertive/confident, etc., is not in our best interest.

What’s in our best interest is to love ourselves fully and unconditionally; not when we’re thin, or one day when, but love ourselves as we are –the good and the bad.

Our life can be transformed when we realize that it all starts with loving and taking care of ourselves.

It’s radical self-love because we must learn how to love ourselves wholeheartedly, even when we fall short of our own expectations and in spite of our shortcomings, imperfections, weaknesses or limitations.

How Can I Show Myself Radical Self-love?

You can do this in many ways:

• Questioning limiting beliefs 
• Prioritizing your needs
• Having compassion for yourself
• Validating and approving yourself (as opposed to seeking these things externally)
• Knowing you’re worthy, period
• Setting boundaries
• Celebrating achievements

Questioning Limiting Beliefs

Being able to question beliefs that don’t serve us is probably one of the most important skills you can have as an adult. When we realize that all our beliefs are just thoughts we’ve been repeating on autopilot, and that we have a choice in what and how we think we can transform our life.

You can challenge a limiting belief by asking:

• Is it true? If it is a fact it means everyone would agree.
• How is this belief good for me?
• Does this belief restrict or expand me?
• What’s the worst that can happen if I didn’t believe this?

Prioritizing Your Needs

Decide what’s important for you and prioritize doing that. Begin with the areas of your life where you feel there’s an imbalance, or you feel dissatisfied. Perhaps you like spending time alone, but feel guilty saying no. Make it a point to spend time alone. Go as far as scheduling it if necessary.

Have Compassion for Yourself

It’s easy to feel good about ourselves when things go our way. But, being kind and gentle with yourself when you make a mistake is why it’s called radical self-love. We can be our own worst critics, especially if you have really high standards.

It’s important to practice self compassion and talk to yourself as you would someone you love deeply. Negative self-criticism is only good if you want to keep yourself small.

Validate and Approve Yourself

Wanting approval and validation from others is normal human behavior. We run into trouble when we seek and rely on excessive approval and validation from others while ignoring our own.

Being aware that you want validation and approval comes. This can be the hardest part because acknowledging this to yourself can be daunting. But, if you’re aware you want validation and approval you can decide to give it to yourself.

How do you know if you want approval and validation from someone?

You’ll know if you feel better when you get a nod of approval or validation of your feelings from the person you have in mind than if you didn’t.

So, how do you give yourself approval and validation?

If you’re not surrounded by supportive individuals you can practice by thinking about “What would X do?” Imagine having a conversation with your role model, a woman you admire and respect. What would she say to you? How would she encourage you?

Think of this strategy as crutches. You can use them, but you don’t really need them.

Know You’re Worthy. Period.

Radical self-love means we believe we’re inherently worthy. No amount of past circumstances can change that fact and no other human being has the power to make you more worthy or take your worth away from you.  

Decide you’re worthy and act in ways that are congruent with this belief.

Set Boundaries

You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Setting boundaries is part of prioritizing yourself. Spend some time reflecting on the aspects of your life where you need to set healthy boundaries. Ask yourself: What do I really want?

We show ourselves self-respect and self-love when we communicate our limits. This is also how we protect our mental and physical health. If you’re a parent, it is crucial to establish healthy boundaries so your children too, can identify what behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t.

Celebrating Achievements

As adults, this is how we give ourselves positive reinforcements. Celebrating all the things, big and small is how we motivate ourselves to go for our next goal. Acknowledging all the progress we’ve made encourages us to go for more.