One Thing I Will Do For The Rest of My Life

There was a time when I used to live my life on autopilot. 

I used to go with the flow and let life just happen. I really didn’t think I had any control on how I experienced life. 

In fact, I used to predict pretty much how my week would go according to the days. Mondays were “tough”, Tuesdays were “long”, Wednesdays were for “when is this week going to end”, Thursdays were reserved for “Thank God it’s almost Friday”, and Fridays were for “This weekend I’m going to rest”, Saturdays for “I have to do all the things I can’t get done during the work week” and finally Sundays for “Ugh, tomorrow’s Monday”.

Thankfully, I know better now.

I love that I don’t believe that how I used to think was wrong, or bad. I just didn’t know better. Sometimes I catch myself thinking how much I wish I knew then what I know now. But, I know that’s a waste of my energy.

Instead, I look at how I used to be as a reminder of how I want to live my life on purpose; as a co creator of my reality. 

Thinking intentionally about how I want to live my life made me reflect on the things I will do for the rest of my life.

Change

Change was like a curse word in my culture. At least that’s the meaning I internalized. I would always hear the word and make the connection that when people changed it was bad. It meant that they’d forgotten their roots or where they “came from”. 

People would praise you , or wish you a happy birthday, and say: “I hope you never change”. 

Of course, they were talking about never changing your values and morals; but, they’d also mean never change anything that would make them feel inadequate.

But, change is the name of the game. Whether we want to or not, whether we’re aware of it or not, people change. 

I’d rather intentionally direct the way I change; and I’m willing to change anything that doesn’t serve me. 

Change allows you to grow and evolve as an individual. You can acquire new skills and experiences that widen your perspective on pretty much everything.

Change is the only way we overcome our limitations and break old patterns of thinking and behaving. 

When we shed our old patterns we create space to think of a new possibility for ourselves. New possibilities give us hope and purpose.

Now, changing doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’re worthy as you are. There is nothing you can do that would make you more or less worthy. 

Changing is a personal journey that can empower you to transcend self-imposed boundaries and reach your true potential. You become what people call “the next best version of yourself”.

Changes That Transformed Me Into an Unbothered and Soft Woman

• I trust my decisions. I understand that there are no right or wrong decisions. 
  
• I have learned to establish beautiful boundaries. I say no. Gone are the days where I’d say yes to things out of obligation or because I wanted someone’s approval or because I didn’t want to disappoint them. I understand people can handle being disappointed. More importantly, I don’t want to disappoint myself.
  
• I nurture the relationship with myself.
  • I allow and respect my emotions. Judging myself for feeling down, or for needing (or wanting) to rest and relax is no longer part of the repertoire of things I do. I choose to love and respect myself instead by listening to my body and knowing myself enough to know what I need.  
  • I have my own back and forgive myself when I act in ways that don’t reflect my highest self. I prioritize self-care.
    
• I show up authentically. I decided I can belong in any place by being me, as opposed to fitting in by being like “them”. Thank goodness for Brene Brown.
  
• I no longer blame my past for being the way I am. 
  
• I allow people to be wrong about me. People always find a way to believe what they want; and their opinions change all the time. I no longer explain or fret about someone not understanding me. I understand and love myself.

How Do I Know if I Want to Change?

• Reflect on how you feel most of the time. 
  
• Are there areas where you feel stuck, dissatisfied or underwhelmed?
  
• Think about the specific reasons for these feelings.
  
• Are you living by your values? What do you value?
  
• Think about your long and short term goals and dreams. Are you taking action towards them?
  
• Think about the pros and cons of changing or staying the same.

Once You Decide You Want to Change

• Approach your journey like any goal. Create a plan. 
  
• Break down your goals into manageable actions. 
  
• Keep track of your progress.
  
• Stay motivated. Listen to motivational podcasts/audiobooks. Read the works of your favorite coaches. Join circles of people on the same path.
  
• Be patient with yourself. Remember that you’re creating a new habit and therefore, you will need constant repetition. As Steve Chandler says: “Practice is the most important discovery in the history of human achievement.”
  
• Remember why you embarked on this journey when the going gets tough.

Changing on purpose can be uncomfortable since it requires you to leave what you know, and the predictability of your life, for something completely unknown. It also can be hard. Research shows how habits, when performed repeatedly, are etched into our neural pathways. This is how we go on autopilot if we’re not being intentional about our thoughts and actions.

If you’ve struggled being on fight or flight mode for a long time, and are now in a position where you can finally relax, then change doesn’t sound very appealing. But, as John C. Maxwell said: “Change is inevitable, growth is optional.” 

The decision is ours when we’re ready: We either go through the discomfort of change or the discomfort of staying the same.