“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” -Henry Ford
There’s arguably one skill you can master that has the power to drastically change your life for the better. That skill is the ability to manage negative thoughts. All our suffering –anxiety, doubt, anger, fear– happens because of the meaning we assign to our circumstances or situation.
If we can shift the sentences we tell ourselves in specific circumstances we’d be able to significantly transform the way we approach those circumstances and effectively change the way we feel.
By now you may know this fact, our reality is created, among other things, through the meaning we assign to events, people and things. That meaning is created in the form of thoughts. We believe our thoughts offer an objective reality or the truth. But, our thoughts, and ultimately our beliefs, are simply our perception– our interpretation or understanding of things based on our experiences. Simply stated, our thoughts are not always true. As Joseph Nguyen explains in his book Don’t Believe Everything You Think, (emphasis mine) “A belief is essentially a point of view that we hold to be true.”
This is good news, thank goodness! We don’t have to keep beliefs that keep us stuck. We can change them by learning to manage our thoughts and therefore altering our perception.
According to research, we think about 70,000 thoughts a day; 80% of which are negative and 95% are repetitive. Years of thinking the same thoughts create ingrained patterns and strong neuro pathways in our brain. These patterns get cemented over time and become our beliefs and the way we think and do things – Dr. Joe Dispenza describes this at length in his book Changing the Habit of Being Yourself. If we’re serious about up-leveling our thoughts we need to be intentional and committed as we would be trying to undo years of deeply rooted behaviors and ways of thinking.
Sadly, we can be our own worst enemy in our quest to be a better version of ourselves. Changing our perspective is possible if we’re willing to withstand the discomfort that comes from facing ourselves. We cannot change something we don’t know exists. We could be well on our way to shifting our perspective by owning up our shortcomings and being completely honest about who we currently are.
This process can be particularly painful. Facing ourselves is where the rubber meets the road. Unbeknownst to us, there are benefits to the way we currently think. Perhaps we don’t realize how much our victim thoughts get us sympathy or how effective it is to believe we just don’t know how to do something. We feel justified to do nothing when we have a good excuse. We come up with clever excuses without realizing we’re fighting to keep limiting beliefs.
When we’re honest enough with ourselves we may have to accept the fact that our imperfections run deep. We’re not as good of a person as we’d like others to think. We feel anger, frustration, scarcity, envy, fear and jealousy. But, accepting ourselves – the good and the bad, understanding what we think and why is the key to transforming our life.
“If you’re unwilling to put yourself through emotional experiences, shift your perspective, and make purposeful changes to your behavior and environment, then don’t expect huge changes.” Benjamin Hardy
Oftentimes we get stuck in negativity because we feel resentful. If you suffer from ‘Nice Girl Syndrome’ -When you’re more concerned with the needs of others while completely disregarding your own wants and wishes- it’s no wonder you may feel disappointed and resentful a lot of the time when others don’t reciprocate the way you expect. You end up feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. You may find yourself fighting a constant battle against yourself in your quest to not be a bad human being.
As it’s often the case, we may living by the rules that were either handed down to us or absorbed through the culture and our environment.
Changing our thinking requires us to acknowledge all the reasons we feel the need to sacrifice ourselves. The answers may humble us and open our eyes to a reality we may have created by living on autopilot.
But, we can make a commitment to ourselves to get in the driver’s seat and do whatever it takes to live a bold, authentic and empowered life.
Can you identify thinking patterns you currently have that are holding you back?
What feeling would you like to create in your life if you knew you could make it happen?, what does your next version look like?, what behavior does it require from you?
If we can imagine a new version of it, we can create it. Once we decide and commit to up-leveling our thinking we start to encounter opportunities and experiences that will encourage and elevate our growth. We may find ourselves going to places or speaking to people who may spark ideas and put us on a path of transformation. The fact you’re reading this post is proof you’re on that path.
We no longer have to be attached and committed to the old version of ourselves.
First, you need to be able to identify thoughts from facts. If it’s a fact, everyone would agree with your sentence. If you’ve been living on autopilot you’d probably have a hard time identifying subtle negative thoughts. You may be so used to thinking certain thoughts that for you they might just be facts. Once you identify thoughts from facts you can question their validity.
Examples of disempowering thoughts: | Examples of how to shift thoughts gradually: |
I can’t. I’m overwhelmed by my workload. That’s just how I think. I’m disorganized. I’m just a shy person. I’m not good enough. I feel stuck in my life. This always happens to me. | How would I do it if I could? I can calendar my tasks and complete one at a time. Maybe there’s another way. I’m learning to be organized. I’m not always shy. I have great qualities. I can start taking small actions. What can I learn from this? |
Being alive means having negative thoughts. They are a part of the human experience.
When we’re aware of our thoughts and how they shape our reality we can be in control to make powerful decisions: we can decide to either keep the thoughts or shift them to the next best thought you can accept as a possibility.
Practice having your own back through this process by recommitting to your goal moment by moment. This is the most important work you’ll ever do. Once you start seeing results in the way you feel you’ll be motivated to continue creating more amazing changes and up-leveling your life.
Who are you, really? 12 prompts to help you create self awareness, gain clarity, take action.
Go on,
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